From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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