Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
