Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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