I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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