i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
