Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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