there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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