You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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