The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
