Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
