I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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