I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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