he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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