The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
