splinters make it hard to masturbate
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
