I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
