I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
