yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
