I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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