btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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