Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
