i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
