just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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