he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
