You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
