you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
