btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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