EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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