my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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