Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
being pregnant is like rehab
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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