This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I supernannyed him into submission
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
