I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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