So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
