i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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