Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
