I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
