Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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