if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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