So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
