i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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