where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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