I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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