her facebook's as public as her vagina
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
