One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize