She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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