not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I skipped work to stalk him.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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