There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
