If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize