so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
