I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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