he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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