Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
