I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize