I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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