:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
