So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
