i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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