Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
