The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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