piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize