The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
