Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
