remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
