So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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