I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
