how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
