I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
