I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
