Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
