Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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