I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
