"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
