Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think a kid would responsible me up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
