I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
